i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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