the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
