absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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