I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize