Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
