she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But theres a keg here and me gusta
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
