Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
