I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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