I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
