I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He better not be in your backpack
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
