I puked a lego.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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