is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
