why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
