that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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