Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
