Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
