it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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