I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
