i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
