When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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