Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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