I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
love makes seman taste better
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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