Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I came so hard my ears popped.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
