worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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