i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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