yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
