Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
