proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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