I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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