I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize