called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
