Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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