the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
