Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
