Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
