1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
