I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize