She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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