you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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