yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you still have your period?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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