I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
operation have a gay friend backfired
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
