I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
