Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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