I'm pants shitting drunk right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
