I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She bit a glass in half.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
