This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
