I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
