somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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