my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Randomize