Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
