the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
