I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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