I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
