GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
