I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
