I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
