OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
