I accidentally had phone sex last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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