Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize