She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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