Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
