girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
