i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
no you cant smoke seaweed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize