i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We have started to decorate penises.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize