So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
