Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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