Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mom said you looked used
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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