you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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