You're a womanizer and a bitch.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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