Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
