dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
