They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
