So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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