420 ftw
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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