the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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